How elections in India should be conducted

Under the Indian system of elections, any person from the ruling party or coalition may become the Prime Minister, and there is no mechanism to decide which worthy public servant may take the highest office. Here’s how they should narrow it down:

Day 1: Parliamentary elections.

People vote via a text to 8683 (VOTE). The phone registration is checked against the name of the voter. If under 16, or not a citizen, vote discarded. Otherwise counted. Those with more than one phone can vote more than once, but registration has already happened, an error will be encountered. By 5 pm, all votes in, counted, and newly elected MPs reach Parliament. People from the winning party/coalition nominate themselves (a Declaration of Candidacy) for the PMship.

Day 2: Rally!

Which candidate can hold more public rallies in 24 hours?

Function: f = ((number of states in which rallies were held)*(no. of rallies)^2)

Meanwhile: from those who have not nominated themselves, the President selects the Speaker of the House.

Day 3: Filibuster debate.

The day starts back in the Parliament House with each candidate spending 10 minutes to express their vision for the country in verse (adhering to either a metre or rhyme scheme). Then, all candidates must stand up, and the Speaker moderates a debate that lasts as long as there are people (excluding the candidates and the moderator) in the House. No eating/drinking/sitting down except for the Speaker and the audience. No audience member may fall asleep.

l = number of people who leave while the candidate is talking

Day 4: Interviews.

Each candidate must be interviewed by a panel of students from the local government school. Then they must host a janta darbar, Kejriwal-style, until 6 pm. After this, they have 6 hours to solve as many of the people’s problems as possible, with a staff of just 12 people.

Function: g = ((People’s problems solved)*(Questions that the students feel were answered coherently and clearly))

Day 5: Polling and the long arm of election rigging

Back to the House, where, in reverse order of their departure on day 3, the MPs vote by secret ballot. Twice; once in the morning, once at night.

Function: h = ((Votes at night)/(Votes in the morning))

Day 6: Meeting their potential predecessor.

The Prime Minister meets all candidates, and speaks with them for an hour each. After this, they are force-fed Veritaserum and made to tell the media what they spoke about. This is a double-blind voting challenge;

i = (most votes for double-blind true statements)/100000

Decided by SMS votes, but nobody, not even the media, knows who said what to whom. Volunteers force-feed the potion, take down statements, then are locked up in a room with a TV and snacks (but no phone/laptop) for the rest of the day, as other volunteers (who haven’t seen or heard the candidate) take the written statement to the press. Volunteers are let out at 9 pm, and tell the media who said what.

Day 7: A day of rest.

Day 8: The Final Vote:

PM = max(f – l + g – h + i – (272 – j)*10)

j is the number of votes received from MPs on day 8.

For example, suppose someone hosted 14 rallies across 12 states. On the second day, 38 people left while he was speaking, and on the third day, he provided 9 concise answers and solved 46 people’s problems. He got 67 votes in the morning and 44 at night, and 6466181 people liked his statement after meeting the outgoing PM. In the end, he got 87 votes in the House.

His total score is 942. If that’s higher than everyone else, he becomes the PM.

I wonder what TV news would make of that?

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